I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
