my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
