Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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