For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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