nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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