im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
