Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize