dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
