Rock
Scissors
Fuck
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
