You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
