Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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