i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
