oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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