Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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