google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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