i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
