so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
