Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
