Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
