so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
