What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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