Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
