we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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