Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
