omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
