I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The air taste purple.
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