Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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