you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
