It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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