watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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