i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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