Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
