Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Who died my cat blue again?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
