Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
