I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
