You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
