Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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