Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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