Someone shit on the floor
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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