and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
