I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
