haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize