A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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