Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
