If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
