3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
