i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
