Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
