Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
