I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
