she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
