Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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