Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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