one word: firstdatebathroomanal
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
