Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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