He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
