We're like a lot better than the average bears
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
