All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
