I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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