haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
