Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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