She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
