All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I understand Curling. That high.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
