Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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