Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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