when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
